coherent (?) rants about random topics. that's what the soapbox is all about.

Last Saturday I was celebrating my 26th birthday. I was out at a bar with friends and I was wearing a tiara, wasted, and giving a 53-year-old gay man a lap dance. Well some people were giving me dirty looks. I’m sorry if I’m having fun and you’re not, but that’s no reason to give me dirty looks. It’s my birthday and I’ll do what I want. Why are people so terrible?

Why do I have to explain to my coworker how to change the printer cartridge or fax cartridge every time it runs out? I’ve explained it to her at least 10 times. She went to Duke, you would think she could figure it out but no, she can’t. Duke has lost all credibility to be because she also asks me how to cut and paste in Word.

--NG

I told D to read your site today - she said she saw the same thing.... the same dude she's seen for years standing on a corner now holding at sign that says "hurricane victim" - she said she got mad... but diana is the most non-confrontational person in the world - i on the other hand would probably hit him with my car and say change your damn sign to "hurrican SC (Minn.) victim" you asschunk!

these people aren't the mentally unstable if they know enough to do that - scamming motherfuckers.
-- SC (Minn.)

I just wrote happy birthday in a card for someone who's father just died... Whoops guess I should've read the card.
-- name withheld - (no, it wasn't me!)

You know who I can’t stand? If something goes wrong…people that blame everyone around them. It is never their fault!!! Nothing is their fault… or their equipments fault.

They are perfect… their car is perfect… their house is perfect …their computer is the best.

Oh and those are the same people that take all the credit if a group effort goes smoothly.
--CD

deathmetalthunder.com: i already have executive directors taking my advice
incognegro.com: so you're saying dump my <company name withheld> stock?
deathmetalthunder.com: might be a good idea
incognegro.com: haha!
deathmetalthunder.com: though i'm shocked you own stock
deathmetalthunder.com: figured you for a stuf-the-mattress kind of guy
deathmetalthunder.com: or were spending it all on your clothes
incognegro.com: i don't own <company name withheld> stock. it was "Humor."
deathmetalthunder.com: hmm
incognegro.com: i think the stock market is as rigged as sports, personally.
deathmetalthunder.com: jesus
incognegro.com: anything w/ gambling involved...
incognegro.com: "hot tips"
incognegro.com: whatever. i'll stick to bonds.
deathmetalthunder.com: dude, you're the most cynical person i know
incognegro.com: i'm not cynical.
incognegro.com: cynical means you'll never convince me no matter what evidence u put in front of me.
incognegro.com: i say "convince me, i'll change my mind."
deathmetalthunder.com: to quote webster: having or showing the attitude or temper of a cynic : as a : contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives
incognegro.com: webster can kiss my ass.
incognegro.com: i know what i am.
deathmetalthunder.com: ha!

You know how i like spam... i think this one from NGF tops 'em all.

"Poonany or buttany? The rounder the better and here there is a lot of round and toned behinds getting a stretching workout, it's great to watch the video, too. The best is really when we have two meatsticks totally devastate the rear canal ending and then they beg for more, it's not getting any better:

ASS TRAFFIC

Say your address http://www.wetparts.com/at/1/until to us and we will not call you again. 30 minutes per day, at $1 per gallon of diesel fuel, the fleet would"

yes. that's how it ended.

a special guest posting, from SW

"Well, last night (name withheld) said her boyfriend questions her republican loyalty because she listens to rap music. She was dead serious. I quote her, "(name withheld) asked me if I was sure I was a Republican because I listen to rap music and that seems pretty liberal". What!!! I laughed (a lot) and said that was one of the stupidest things I ever heard. People, I tell ya."

and i agree. that is too funny.

a special guest posting, from SC (Minn.)

my friend (name withheld), his parents have a bird... he's old - he talks and meows like a cat ... he also laughs when other people start laughing. well he gets bored and sticks his head in his bell and starts talking to himself (cuz it echos) and then he wacks his head back and forth in the bell - i want a bird like that.

Nurse Ratchet: wanna hear a f*ked up dream I had???
incognegro.com: hold that thought!
Nurse Ratchet: k
incognegro.com: cuz i got a meeting in one minute. brb...
Nurse Ratchet: sho.
*** Auto-response sent to Nurse Ratchet: I am currently away from the computer.
incognegro.com: aiight. hit me widdit.
Nurse Ratchet: dang. Quick meeting. hang on...I've gotta finish writing this code block..
incognegro.com: k
Nurse Ratchet: ok. But I'm warning you. This is rated R. and by no means does it symbolize man-hating attitutdes lol!!
incognegro.com: haha! whatever.
Nurse Ratchet: I'm seriousl. It's really f*ked up.
Nurse Ratchet: Anyway..
Nurse Ratchet: So, I was somewhere...just walking and talking in a building...I think I was at work, but we had moved to a dift building.
Nurse Ratchet: Then we come to a doorway, and we run into this woman who gave me a hug, and was like, woah, are you happy to see me or what???
Nurse Ratchet: Then I panicked, and was like, shhhh keep it down!!
incognegro.com: do i need to adjust the lights? light some candles... put on some music...?
Nurse Ratchet: It turned out that I had a penis...but...it wasn't attached to me or anything...it was just a penis.
Nurse Ratchet: :-!
incognegro.com: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
incognegro.com: it wasn't attched to you? you were just holding it??
Nurse Ratchet: Yeah!!! It was just in my pants because I was holding it for someone!!!!!!
incognegro.com: W.T.F.????
Nurse Ratchet: How about that huh? :-X
Nurse Ratchet: I know!!!
incognegro.com: DUDE... that is messed up.

"I'm a retard... This morning after I was done drying my hair I was wrapping the cord around the handle of the hair drier (I know you must have to do this all the time too, anyway) the hot end or the nose of the hair drier brushed up against my stomach... So basically I branded myself - I have lovely red lines running down my stomach for about an inch or two... It's nice... I wish it was a big S so at least I could've branded myself with my own name."
-- Name Withheld (it's not me, because i have no hair...)

i know i'm going to offend someone with this, but i've come to expect that everytime i open my mouth i stand a good chance of pissing somebody off.

that said, people who drive minivans need their own fucking highway system. and within said highway system, people who drive white chevrolet or ford ones need their own lanes. it's crazy how many times a freaking minivan will pull out into traffic in front of me, then slam on their brakes. which in turn causes me to slam on my brakes, and the person behind me, and so on...

i mean, what is it? did the dealer put crack in your coffee at the dealership to cause your obvious stellar stupidity? i don't know but it pisses me off.

incognegro.com: i thought windows was supposed to be able to multi-task.
incognegro.com: but it can't zip a file and browse the web at the same time.
incognegro.com: POS.
deathmetalthunder.com: you want to mult-task?
deathmetalthunder.com: put two pc's on your desk
incognegro.com: and it can't remember my freaking folder view preferences.
deathmetalthunder.com: good times
incognegro.com: don't insult JJ like that.
deathmetalthunder.com: sorry

incognegro.com: i need something to bitch about.
kate c.: ummmm....
kate c.: bad drivers?
kate c.: school zones?
kate c.: women in huge SUVs?
incognegro.com: i'm gonna stay away from bad drivers because a) nobody likes them b) the people intended to be offended won't be and c) i throw bottles at them.
kate c.: amen!
kate c.: i hate it when a truck is hauling a little metal trailer to haul their lawn supplies and the little trailer keeps veering into your lane!!!!!
incognegro.com: no doubt!
incognegro.com: or a big ass truck is hauling something and debris keeps flying into your windshield.
kate c.: yep!
kate c.: usually gravel!
kate c.: bastards
kate c.: or ford f-150 trucks that are haulin' about 40 rolls of carpet and one is getting ready to slide out!
incognegro.com: uh huh.
kate c.: and people who have something in the front passenger seat that they're trying to reach and they keep swerving
incognegro.com: i KNOW!!
kate c.: man...
incognegro.com: and it's usually some freaking soccer mom who dropped her vibrator.
kate c.: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
kate c.: that's funny
incognegro.com: gotta get her freak on before she gets home.
kate c.: cuz it's usually the pool man's day off!
incognegro.com: HA!! no doubt, yo.

annoying people.

Conformists

People who go through a fast-food drive-thru with 4 people in the car, every person has a coupon and, to top it off, needs to change, substitute, or just chooses be a general pain in the ass to the rest of the people waiting behind them.

People who fling their lit cigarette butts out the car w/ flagrant disregard of the person in the car next to them. I actually saw a jack ass throw a lit cigarette butt INTO the car next to his. Why do car manufacturers put ashtrays in cars? Fuck if i know...

Good Charlotte (The Band).

People who don't raise their kids and teach them right from wrong. If your son walks up to me with his new truck and wants me to push the button to make the lights flash, fine. But if your son walks up to me and kicks me in the nuts because he saw Big Poppa Pump do it to somebody on TV, you have no right to get mad at me when i punt his ass across the parking lot. Oh... you thought it was cute?!? i'll punt your ass too. Jackass.

Reality TV.

People who come to a complete stop before making a turn. You don't need to fly into a turn at 50mph, but your car can handle a turn at a speed greater than 2 mph. EXCEPTION - some jackass is turning left and has blocked the driveway, so you have to creep to turn in. You also have the right to stop, get out, and punch said jackass for being a dumb ass jackass.

Earthlink.

People who don't shower, but dump on a ton of cheap cologne in a vain attempt to mask the odor. Come on, man... If you are aware enough to know that you fucking reek so bad that you need to put on that much cologne, you obviously have the capacity to take a fucking shower. On a related note, if you're that lazy, you should try rubbing alcohol. Not Brut 33 or High Karate.

People who don't flush.

People who sneeze, wipe the ooze off with their hands, then handle the coffee pot, water fountain, etc...

Excessively loud talkers. If 2 feet separates you from your conversation partner in an elevator, you don't have to scream.

Charter Cable.

Liars.